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Are You Limiting Yourself in Love?

I cannot begin to tell you how many times in 2008 in date coaching conversations with men and women I have heard the following comments:

* "Look at me! I can't date until I lose weight. No one will be attracted to me the way I am!" or
* "I'm no longer a spring chicken, who would want to date me?" or
* "I got laid off and I'm looking for a new job. No one wants to date a loser!" or
* "I have a dog, he keeps me company. I don't have to try and impress him. I get unconditional love!" or
* "I won't go more than 10-15 miles from my house. If it's not in my backyard or convenient, I won't go." Or the best of all,
* "I don't want to go if there are not the same number of women as men." Or last but not least,
* "I'm happy with my life just as it is. I've learned to live without a guy/gal. I don't need anybody!"

Have you been guilty of thinking or saying something like this to your friend, colleague or family member?

These are only a few of the many examples self-imposed roadblocks or limiting beliefs that stop you dead in your tracks and hold you back from moving one inch forward in the dating world! They are self-inflicted, damaging and often hurtful.

Self-limiting beliefs come in the form of a rationalization that attempts to use a fact about one part of your life with an excuse to prevent you from embracing life. The rationalization convinces you that your life is just fine the way it is, even though from an objective viewpoint, you know it is not and others do too! It's no secret. Self-limiting beliefs reject you before anybody even has the opportunity to say, "No thank you, I'm not interested." You reject yourself and put yourself in a downward spiral. And the fact is, that people who hear your statement, know this limits you, but never challenge you to do better, to change your attitude and to embrace a new you!

Let's look at the first statement as an example of a limiting belief, "Look at me! I can't date until I lose weight. No one will be attracted to me the way I am." In this instance, the man may in fact be overweight - a few pounds or many pounds. Either way, I venture to say that he's not the only one on the dating scene that would like to shed a few pounds or look more attractive. And if you take it even a step further, no one is perfect, not evenly distributed, not exactly symmetrical, not DNA exquisite, not even the models on covers of magazines the marketing world holds up as role models for us mere mortals! And if 'size does matter', then seek out the singles organizations and groups specifically for the purpose of gathering singles of size together. No matter what, take pride in who you are! Stand tall with confidence and assurance.

 

My point? If you want to find an excuse to keep you out of the dating scene, you can create any number of them that you want. As the Dating Café™ Coach, I strongly urge you give up the limiting beliefs and excuses and be totally honest with yourself about why dating is difficult and challenging. Be honest about the real reasons you're not dating or avoiding dating. Check yourself and determine if these limiting beliefs serve you well. If not, then it's time to make a move, set reasonable and realistic goals and initiate change to remedy your concern. Coaching is a great way to help you face these life-stopping attitudes! You need to find clarity in the direction you want to take, focus your efforts and make the change!

Go out and date! Go out and meet people! Go out and embrace life!

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